Friday, May 01, 2009

Tropical rutabaga discovered, at last?

The Board of the Advanced Rutabaga Studies Institute (ARSI) has declared:


Writing via satellite email from his advanced base camp on Bolivia's Machacamarca plateau, ARSI President for Life Obie MacAroon reports:

"Thanks again to ARSI's Board for this unprecedented honor."

"I am very pleased on this occasion to report that, on April 27th, a team of ARSI rutabotanists found a single specimen of an exotic root vegetable (left) that bears a significant resemblance to the familiar rutabaga. It was located in an alpine meadow on the slopes of Illimani at 17,253 ft. / 5,260 meters, not far from La Paz. The tuber's color and cylindrical shape may not instantly evoke the rutabaga, but the odor and texture of the flesh are nearly identical. Small tissue samples have been sent to ARSI's labs in Forest Grove for DNA analysis to determine whether this discovery could be the fabled tropical rutabaga,
(Brassica napobrassica tropicales)."

"Finally, with only 45 days until the celebration of ARSI's 55th Anniversary, I have written a personal letter to my friend President Barack Obama and suggested that this would be an appropriate time to draft a proclamation suitable to the occasion. I'll keep you posted on the response."

PHOTO: President for Life Obie MacAroon III (Copyright 2009)


Anonymous said...

BEWARE: this whole operation is a scam! And isn't it about time for MacAroon III's "Mouthpiece" to stop blog pimping on Facebook? It's getting tedious, to say th

M.J. O'Brien said...

The previous contributor was banned from this site last month, but she or he somehow managed to hack in anyway.

Anonymous said...

Hasn't Obie MacAroon III been indicted yet for tax fraud? How come he hasn't been in the U.S. for the past few years? Word has it that he closed his numbered Swiss bank accounts just before their existence was about to be revealed to the media. Apparently those funds, along with his windfall from the federal stimulus package, have been deposited in an offshore account in the Caymans. OM III, your day of reckoning will come. Only a matter of time.

M.J. O'Brien said...

All comments will henceforth be reviewed for appropriateness before publication. Sorry for the inconvenience to our regular readers.

As always, libelous comments will provoke an immediate response from ARSI's team of remorseless litigators.

Ripsa said...

Does also Facebook have these yellow, orange and red alerts, byt which the citizens are to be acted?

Anonymous should not assume that MacAroon is trying get to United States. Because what would it be there for him? (Or for anybody, for that matter!)

Only barren land to try to grow pitifully small and worm eaten rutabaga?

My people stayed alive ending up in-between hundreds of years of feud between Sweden and Novgorod, and have to suffer it.

If it wasn't for a very nourishing rutabaga's we would not exist anymore! We, the Finns, who didn't have but a fate to be colonized for centuries.

M.J. O'Brien said...

Mr. MacAroon is a true patriot and will gladly return to the U.S. as soon as the present IRS harassment comes to an end and his dignity has been restored.

And I wish to remind our Finnish friend that this "barren land" has produced the world's largest rutabaga (over 30 kilos).

But I will concede that few people have a deeper appreciation of the rutabaga than the Finns.

Anonymous said...

Writing from LaPaz, where I saw Obie MacAroon on the morning news show "Bolivia de Actualidad." He had the "tropical rutabaga" specimen with him in a vacuum container. Interesting guy, though he tends to ramble quite a bit. In fact, the interviewer barely managed to fit in a few questions. His Spanish is pretty good, which isn't surprising when you consider how long he's been in South America.

Does OM III really need to have all those bodyguards with him all the time? I know he gets hassled a lot by paparazzi, but it all seems a bit over the top.

M.J. O'Brien said...

Not surprisingly, President MacAroon has acquired a few enemies during his long career in rutabotany. For example, he recently received a long diatribe in the mail threatening him with "dire consequences" if he "ever sets foot in Idaho, or even flies over it." His personal security details are, sadly, a necessary precaution.

As for the interview, our President refuses to "dumb down" his answers because he respects his TV audiences.

Anonymous said...

Did you know that the "President for Life" was busted for pilfering the poorbox at St. Steven's church when he was 12? You won't find any records because they mysteriously disappeared from the county courthouse a few years ago.

M.J. O'Brien said...

Trolls and hackers are henceforth banned from commenting. If your comment is not polite and respectful, don't even bother visiting this blog.

Anonymous said...

The only reason President MacAroon III would write a letter to Barack Obama would be to ask for a pardon. His misuse of federal stimulus funds is only the latest crime that he has foisted onto U.S. taxpayers.

M.J. O'Brien said...

All commenting will be suspended for the next 30 minutes while ARSI's IT staff ferrets out the hacker and disables her or his access. Based on a preliminary analysis of IP data, it appears that the hacker is a turnipite "mole" working from within ARSI's headquarters.