Saturday, April 02, 2011

BREAKTHROUGH: Photosynthesis stimulated in human subjects

Now humans can literally "veg out!" A transgene of the common rutabaga (Brassica napobrassica) has been genetically modified in ARSI labs to permit treated human skin tissue to simulate photosynthesis and, in optimal sunlight conditions, generate +/- 1.23 kilocalories every 24 hours. Photosynthesis begins within 72 hours after topical application of a green gel (designated as GL-4A) made from rutabaga extract and continues for at least two weeks. Imagine the possibilities!
An independent review by the U.S. National Academy of Sciences found: "The photosynthesis rate can be enhanced through ingestion of copious quantities of organic herring or kelp emulsions.  The possibility of making drastic reductions in human caloric requirements on a planetary scale has profound implications that hardly need to be elaborated."

The NAS study adds: "A collateral benefit is a demonstrable improvement in memory. Induction of the rutabaga cDNA in experimental adult subjects corrects the olfactory memory impairment found in rutabaga mutants. Induction of the cDNA only during the larval and pupal stages was inconsequential to performance in olfactory memory tasks."

The original ARSI analysis found just one known side effect: "GL-4A creates a lasting greenish cast in the affected area" (as shown in the photo of one of ARSI's experimental subject).

Update: The U.S. Surgeon General has given tentative approval for sale of this product everywhere except the Pacific Northwest.  The Surgeon General found that GL-4A would be ineffectual in that region unless it was applied in "toxic quantitities."  ARSI is appealing that portion of the decision.  


[Stay tuned to this blog and ARSI's website for additional updates.]

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

So does this mean I can take the summer off? Or even longer if I move closer to the equator? How expensive is fish fertilizer? Will my tatoos still be visible through all that gel?

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5u1MBY-RKs