Due to mounting concerns about the quality of pet food in the U.S., ARSI has been developing an experimental recipe for pureed rutabagas that can be safely added to any pet-food blends that remain on the market. ARSI hopes that these experiments will eventually open vast new markets for rutabaga farmers.In our experiments to date, rutabagas must be pureed because laboratory trials suggest that dogs and cats find traditional mashed rutabagas too coarse for their taste. However, the extreme macromolecular density of rutabagas presents serious challenges to creating purees. The following experimental recipe has shown some promise in reducing preparation times for a pureed rutabaga additive to pet food.
Pureed Rutabaga Pet Food Additive
Experimental recipe #ARSI-9 - 26Z48
[Not suitable for human or animal consumption.]
- Peel and dice 8-10 fresh rutabagas
- Boil vigorously for 28 days or until softened
- Marinate for 96 hours in 2 gallons of hydrochloric acid
- Drain thoroughly to remove all acid residues, carefully following acid-base extraction procedures approved by the American Chemical Society*
- Mash, blend and pulverize into a thick smoldering paste
- Add 8 cups whole milk
- Add 2 pound of butter
- Blend with 20 pounds of dried pet foods, avoiding those subject to recall
- Optional: serve dripping with brown gravy or other meat sauce to enhance the pungent natural flavor of the rutabagas
Important: Increase cooking times by 30% at altitudes over 3,000 feet. As a precaution, safety goggles and body armor are highly recommended during every phase of preparation.
as a reliable substitute for mortar in various masonry applications.]
*The most delicate part of the process involves a strict application of the following formula to the acid-base extraction process:
PHOTO: Acid-base extraction towers for marinated rutabagas at ARSI's International Headquarters in Forest Grove, Oregon.
[Note: Mixed with gray food coloring, pureed rutabagas also serve
as a reliable substitute for mortar in various masonry applications.]
*The most delicate part of the process involves a strict application of the following formula to the acid-base extraction process:
PHOTO: Acid-base extraction towers for marinated rutabagas at ARSI's International Headquarters in Forest Grove, Oregon.
4 comments:
You may remember my message concerning rutabaga dreams. You advised me to increase the rutabaga content of my diet in order to quell the nightmares.
I must apologize for my belated response; I have been hospitalized the entire time. Upon following your directions the nightmares ceased, but other problems soon presented. Between bouts of painful hemorrhaging, my health care professional informed me of my severe allergy to rutabagas.
Ever since the hospital transferred me to a sterile, rutabaga-free environment my health has steadily improved, but the nightmares have emerged again with a newfound intensity.
My dilemma is clear. My question is: are there any rutabaga substitutes on the market? Surely the rutabaga-intolerant deserve such an option. A reasonable facsimile may be just enough to help me get a decent night's sleep. Approximating the unique texture, flavor and nutrient content of rutabagas may be a challenge, but I would be prepared to offer a sizable grant if ARSI promised to dedicate some research to this topic.
Dear Anon--
Unfortunately, there couldn't possibly be any "substitute" for the rutabaga, and we at ARSI commiserate with you on being denied this vital source of nutrition and gourmet eating. Frankly, this is the first case of rutabaga intolerance that has ever been brought to our attention. The medical literature in our vast library contains no references to this sad condition.
Rest assured that our team of rutabotanists will make appropriate use of the "sizable grant" you propose. We will work hard to see whether there can be any relief for the rutabaga-intolerant. Please write Mr. MacAroon III directly with all the particulars of your funding proposal (U.S. dollars, euros or kruggerands preferred).
I Live in Askov-MN The Rutabaga Capital of the world. I am trying to find out the PH of a rutabaga as I use it to make a Rutabaga Jam for my store. Lena of Lena's
So luck to come across your excellent blog. Your blog brings me a great deal of fun.. Good luck with the site. Me and my friend have been using Party Animal store for a while now
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